|Inflating a Dog Screenplay
Chapter 9: The Nut and the Slut (in which a friendship is born)
by Eric Kraft
The screen rights are available.
|EXT. A STREET IN BABBINGTON. On the
way to Peterís house, Peter and Patti stop to look at themselves in a shop
window. Peter looks Patti up and down and suddenly realizes that
heís bringing the presumed town slut home to meet his mother.
They inspect her reflection again.Hey, whatís that look youíre giving me?PATTI(to Peterís reflection)Itís .†.†. my mother .†.†. look .†.†.PETERYou think I look like your mother?PATTINo! I .†.†.PETERYou donít want me to meet her, do you?PATTIWhat? What makes you think .†.†.PETERYou donít want your mother to meet me.PATTI(eyes down, pouting)I know what they say about me. .†.†.(a tear in her eye)ďSheís not the kind of girl youíd take home to meet your mother.Ē(raising her head high)But Iím not the kind of girl you wouldnít take home to meet your mother.
He takes her hand, and they go on.Am I?PATTI(softly)Come on. Iím taking you home to meet my mother.PETER
CUT TO:EXT. THE LEROY HOUSE. A FEW MINUTES LATER. Peter starts up the back steps, then turns to see Patti hanging back, looking shy.
Whatís the matter?PETERJust .†.†. make sure itís okay.PATTIOkay.PETER
CUT TO:INT. THE LEROY KITCHEN AND DINING ROOM. Peter lets himself into the kitchen and discovers Ella sitting at the dining room table, bent over some papers. Ella hears him close the door, looks up and calls out to him.
Peter opens the door. Patti is waiting there, looking wary.Peter! Youíre finally home! Come here! Iíve had a wonderful idea!ELLAI .†.†. uh .†.†. brought somebody with me .†.†. from school.PETERReally? Who is it?ELLAItís a girl named Patti.PETERPatti? Patti?ELLA(her eyes widen)Patti Fiorenza?Um, yes.PETERWow. Where is she?ELLAWaiting outside.PETERWell, donít leave her standing there. Sheíll think weíre talking about her.ELLAWe are talking about her.PETERGo let her in!ELLA
From over his shoulder comes Ellaís voice, calling out:You were talking about me, werenít you?PATTINo .†.†. we .†.†. my mother had one of her ideas, and .†.†. I should warn you about these ideas .†.†.PETERDo you think I should go home?PATTINo. Of course not, but .†.†.PETER
Peter steps aside, and Patti enters. Ella is holding both hands out toward her, and Patti grasps them.Patti Fiorenza! Come in! Come in!ELLA
They all sit. Ella looks Patti over, looking for clues.Sit down!ELLA (CONTíD.)
They burst out laughing, like schoolgirls.Iíve heard so much about you!ELLA(with something like awe)Itís not true .†.†. honest.PATTIIt couldnít be. .†.†. Not all of it.ELLAEverybody thinks Iím a slut .†.†.PATTIAnd everybody thinks Iím a nut .†.†.ELLA(waving her cigarette)
Peter wonders how his mother could know what a blow job is.I think it was the candy that did it. The lace candy. That convinced them. Sheís nuts. Nutty as a fruitcake.ELLA(pushing her hair askew)My mom bought some.PATTII remember that.ELLAFor me, it was that famous blow job. Dennis Jarvis! He told half the town that I gave him a blow job behind Stillmanís Delicatessen.PATTI(thoughtfully, pouting)But you didnít?ELLA
She and Ella burst out laughing again.Only in his dreams.PATTI(chewing her gum, winking)
This conversation is making Peter very uncomfortable.
Ella and Patti look at each other, clear their throats, giggle a bit, and try to pull themselves together.Whatís this?PETER(to change the subject, taking one of the papers)
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Copyright © 2001 by Eric
The screenplay for Inflating a Dog is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, dialogues, settings, and businesses portrayed in it are products of the authorís imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved. No part of this teleplay may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author.
The illustration at the top of the page is an adaptation of an illustration by Stewart Rouse that first appeared on the cover of the August 1931 issue of Modern Mechanics and Inventions. The boy at the controls of the aerocycle doesnít particularly resemble Peter Leroyóexcept, perhaps, for the smile.
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