Inflating a Dog Screenplay, Chapter 29

Inflating a Dog Screenplay
Chapter 29: Selling Arcinella (in which three guys buy a dream)

The screen rights are available.
E-mail Alec “Nick” Rafter.

EXT. DAY. ARCINELLA’S SLIP. Peter and Patti pace the deck. We hear the sound of vehicles approaching. Alternating closeups of Peter and Patti, registering surprise. They are seeing something they hadn’t expected.

CUT TO:

EXT. DAY. THE ROAD ALONGSIDE ARCINELLA’S SLIP. We see what Peter and Patti see. Three vans are pulling up: Mr. Yummy’s baked-goods van, an ice-cream van, and a milkman’s delivery van. Mr. Yummy and his partners hop out of their vans eagerly. They converge on the ice-cream van and extract a huge cooler that they carry, with difficulty, aboard Arcinella.

PETER

Welcome aboard.

MR. YUMMY

My partners . . . Sam and Dave.

SAM
(shows the cooler of beer)
We brought lunch.

PETER
(hopefully)
Are you the one who knows boats, Sam?

SAM
(opening a beer)
That would be Dave.

PETER
(to Dave)
I expect you’ll want to get into her.

DAVE
(somewhat reluctantly)
Right.

Dave makes his way gingerly along the deck to the cabin, fumbles with the latch, and crouches to crawl below. He spends some time looking at the engine and wiggling its wires and belts. Then he begins inching forward, picking up whatever he finds and putting it back down, making as much noise as he can to show that he’s on the job.

PETER
(from above)
What do you say, Dave?

DAVE
(with a shrug)
Looks good to me.

Sam and Mr. Yummy and open two more beers.

CUT TO:

EXT. DAY. BOLOTOMY RIVER. Peter guides Arcinella with a steady hand, heading toward the bay.

CUT TO:

EXT. DAY. THE OPEN BAY. Rain begins to fall straight down. Sam, Dave, and Mr. Yummy respond with a beery version of a child’s idea of an Indian rain dance. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes just a few yards off Arcinella’s bow. Sam, Dave, and Mr. Yummy jump straight up in the air and dash into the wheelhouse, where Peter and Patti are.

CUT TO:

INT. DAY. ARCINELLA’S CROWDED WHEELHOUSE. Sam, Dave, and Mr. Yummy are singing “The Wiffenpoof Song,” with Patti and Peter adding doo-wop flourishes.

MR. YUMMY
(drunk and sentimental)
Y’know, we’re gonna call this boat Three Guys . . . ’cause we’re three guys . . . but we ought to call it Freedom . . . ’cause from now on, we’re our own bosses. No more working for somebody else. We’re on our own! It’s a dream come true.

He makes a clumsy attempt to get everyone in one beery hug. Peter and Patti exchange a guilty glance, then look away.

PETER
(throttling down, addressing Arcinella)
Well, old girl, time to say goodbye.

He steps away from the wheel and lets Arcinella drift. The three guys don’t recognize their cue at first. Then Mr. Yummy realizes what’s expected of him, pulls a check from his pocket, and flourishes it. The others follow suit. Peter hands over a certificate of ownership. Mr. Yummy waves it in the air, whoops, and pours beer on Sam’s head.

PETER
(pocketing the checks)
Who’s going to take her into her slip?

He turns a look toward Mr. Yummy, who turns it toward Sam.

SAM

Hey, not me. I don’t know how to drive a boat. I’d probably wreck the thing. Dave’s the one who knows boats.

PETER

Here we go, Dave.
(commandingly)
Take the wheel.

Dave reluctantly does as he is told.

PETER

This is the throttle.

He nudges it, and Arcinella begins to move forward.

PETER

Well, steer her toward town, Dave.

CUT TO:

EXT. DAY. ARCINELLA ON THE BAY. The rain stops, and the day begins to brighten, though it’s still cloudy. Mr. Yummy, Sam, and Patti emerge from the wheelhouse. Mr. Yummy and Sam immediately head for the beer cooler.

CUT TO:

INT. ARCINELLA’S WHEELHOUSE.

PETER
(man to man)
Arcinella’s got a few peculiarities.

DAVE

Ah-ha.

PETER

She drives her prop through the gearbox from an old Studebaker Champion, so when you bring her into the slip . . . you want to throttle down so she’s just kind of chugging along . . .

Dave reaches for the throttle.

PETER

Not yet, Dave.

DAVE

No, no. Of course not.

PETER

Then you’ll want to shift into reverse.

DAVE

Reverse?

PETER

To retard her forward motion.

DAVE

Oh, sure. Of course.

PETER

You want her to glide in sweet and slow and just barely kiss the bulkhead.

Peter turns away for a moment. He would rather not be doing this, but he presses on, giving Dave a pat on the shoulder.

PETER

Treat her gentle.

CUT TO:

EXT. DAY. ARCINELLA’S DECK. Peter emerges from the wheelhouse and joins the group on deck. He accepts a beer from Mr. Yummy. Arcinella approaches her slip.

CUT TO:

Dave in the wheelhouse, reaching toward the throttle, trying to decide when to throttle down. His hand trembles. He’s sweating. He throttles down a bit. Arcinella continues toward the bulkhead with undiminished speed. Dave eyes the shift lever, then the clutch. He steps on the clutch, finds it stiff, stands on it to depress it, and with the clutch in, shifts into reverse. Arcinella races on. Dave steps off the clutch pedal. Arcinella shudders, hesitates, then stalls, and silently glides toward the bulkhead.

CUT TO;

EXT. ON DECK. All begin to realize what’s happening.

MR. YUMMY

Hey! She’s gonna . . . somebody . . .

Impulsively, desperately, he reaches out for a piling. He throws his arms around it and tries to brace his feet to slow the boat, but the momentum is too great and he is swept from the deck and left clinging to the pole.
Arcinella strikes the bulkhead, shakes herself like a wet dog, then rebounds. Peter dashes into the wheelhouse, restarts the engine, and, with Dave standing glumly beside him, brings her in sweet and slow, and doesn’t even touch the bulkhead.

CUT TO:

EXT. A FEW MINUTES LATER. ONSHORE. All stand looking at Arcinella.

PETER

She looks okay. I doubt that you’ve done her any real harm. . . . Of course, I can’t say for sure that you haven’t, and I can’t take responsibility if you have.

CUT TO:

INFLATING A DOG SCREENPLAY | CONTENTS | CHAPTER 30

Here are a couple of swell ideas from Eric Kraft's vivacious publicist, Candi Lee Manning.

You'll find more swell ideas from Candi Lee here.

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The screenplay for Inflating a Dog is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, dialogues, settings, and businesses portrayed in it are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this teleplay may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author.

The illustration at the top of the page is an adaptation of an illustration by Stewart Rouse that first appeared on the cover of the August 1931 issue of Modern Mechanics and Inventions. The boy at the controls of the aerocycle doesn’t particularly resemble Peter Leroy—except, perhaps, for the smile.

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