| The Peter Leroy Television Series Pilot
Chapter 9, The Fatal Fritter, in which we hear the poignant tale of the death of the Big Tinker . . . |
by Eric
Kraft
|
In Babbington, the series will run exclusively on
WCLM-TV.
|
INT. SMALL’S HOTEL FRONT HALL. Albertine carries
a mug of coffee to the reception desk and begins looking through the reservation
book. Peter comes down the front stairs to the entrance hall. The
phone rings.
She listens for a moment, then flips a page of the reservation book and says . . .Good morning. Small’s Hotel.ALBERTINE(hopefully) She smiles the smile she smiles when she doesn’t want her picture taken and tears a page from the reservation book.Yes, I have you down for two cottages for two weeks, beginning . . . Oh? . . . I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask . . . I see. . . . Well, we like to think of it as “broken in” rather than “broken down” . . . like comfortable old clothes. . . . Right . . . well. . . . Of course. Of course.ALBERTINE (CONT’D.) She “heard” that we’re “broken-down.” Where did she hear a thing like that?ALBERTINE (CONT’D.)Tinkers ho!MIDDLE TINKER(off) CUT TO:
EXT. IN FRONT OF THE HOTEL. LITTLE TINKER and MIDDLE
TINKER have arrived to try to fix the roof. The tinkers have styled
themselves after Laurel and Hardy, except that the Oliver Hardy figure
is missing and Little Tinker is very short. Middle Tinker swings
the door open and calls out . . .
Peter and Albertine come running from the hotel. Al gives each of the tinkers a hug. Peter gives them manly handshakes and stiff-upper-lip looks.Tinkers ho! We’re here to take a look at the roof.MIDDLE TINKER An awkward moment passes.I’m just . . . so sorry about Big Tink.ALBERTINE(with genuine feeling)Me too, guys. He was quite a character.PETER(also genuine)How did he . . . ?ALBERTINEOh. It was in the last round of the fritter-eat-off at the clam fest.MIDDLE TINKERHe was well in the lead and going for the record.LITTLE TINKERHe was just inhaling those fritters.MIDDLE TINKERThen one went down the wrong way.LITTLE TINKERThey Heimliched him . . .MIDDLE TINKER. . . and a multitude of fritters came flying out of him . . .LITTLE TINKER. . . but they couldn’t dislodge the fatal fritter.MIDDLE TINKERThe memorial service is next Wednesday.LITTLE TINKERWe’ll be there.ALBERTINEThanks.LITTLE TINKER They shoulder their tools and start off. As Peter watches them walk away, he is struck by the fact that they somehow made their way to the island without his ferrying them.Hey, we’re not going to get this job done standin’ around here bullshittin’.MIDDLE TINKER(stepping uncomfortably into Big Tinker’s shoes)Tinkers ho.LITTLE TINKER(life must go on) Hey, how did you guys get out here?PETER(calling after them)Your bartender brought us . . . Lou.LITTLE TINKERLou?PETERYeah . . . we ran into him in town.MIDDLE TINKERYou might want to give him a hand. He’s at the dock with a load of stuff.LITTLE TINKERWouldn’t let us help him. He’s a fiend for work, that guy.MIDDLE TINKERI never saw anybody who likes his work so much.LITTLE TINKERExcept for . . .LITTLE TINKER(his hat over his heart)Big Tink. CUT TO:
EXT. THE PATH TO THE DOCK. A MINUTE LATER. Peter finds
Lou struggling up the path, trying to pull two overloaded wagons.
Let me take one of those.PETERGladly!LOUYou’ve been shopping.PETERYeah. I took the launch. Al said it was okay.LOUOh, she did, did she? . . . It didn’t sink, I take it.PETERI kept it pumped dry, the way you did when you brought us over the other day.LOUGood for you. What are we hauling here? What is all this stuff?PETERI had to get a few things for the bar. You were running low . . . putting it mildly. You didn’t have any top-shelf brands at all.LOUWell, things have been slow.PETERYou’ve got to keep up appearances, Pete. You want to make sure you’ve got a nice display of your cognacs, you know, your single-malt Scotches . . .LOU(shaking his head)What? They gave you credit?PETERHuh? Oh. Nah. I bought it.LOUYe gods, what do we owe . . . ?PETERNothing. Forget it. I enjoy extending a little hospitality from behind the bar, talking to people, making their drinks. It’s fun for me.LOUYeah, I know. I heard all about it on Baldy’s show.PETERYou did? I figured if I . . . wrote in to Baldy . . . I could show people how you can really get away from it all here, using myself as an example. . . . What did you think?LOU(enthusiastic, proud)I thought it sounded as if you did the storytelling.PETER(doesn’t suspect the truth at all)Really? Aw, jeez, I’m sorry. It didn’t sound like that when I sent it in, honest. Baldy must have screwed it up. I’ll ask for a clarification.LOUForget about it.PETER CUT TO:
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||
 Here
are a couple of swell ideas from Eric Kraft's vivacious publicist, Candi
Lee Manning.
You'll find more swell ideas from Candi Lee here. |
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Copyright © 2002 by Eric
Kraft
The scripts for The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy Television Series are works of fiction. The characters, incidents, dialogues, settings, and businesses portrayed in it are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. All rights reserved. No part of this teleplay may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author. The illustration at the top of the page is an adaptation of an illustration by Stewart Rouse that first appeared on the cover of the August 1931 issue of Modern Mechanics and Inventions. The boy at the controls of the aerocycle doesn’t particularly resemble Peter Leroy—except, perhaps, for the smile. |
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