PETER

(using a local slang term)

This is really inflated, coming here. 

PATTI

Yeah.

PETER

None of the other kids would come here.

PATTI

That’s why we come here, isn’t it?

PETER

You mean so nobody sees you with me?

PATTI

(that provocative pout)

No . . . I mean so I can have you to myself.

PETER

Your little friend.

PATTI

(sweet and honest)

Everybody needs a friend.

PETER

You know, my mother used to come here.

PATTI

Did she?

PETER

All the kids did.  That’s what she says.  It was a date.

PATTI

It was?

PETER

Under the right circumstances.

PATTI

Your mother told you that?

PETER

(distractedly)

Yeah.

PATTI

Is something bothering you?

PETER

Yeah.  Something.

PATTI

What?

PETER

Something . . . personal.

PATTI

(touching his arm)

Tell me.

PETER

(wringing his hands)

I’ve been wondering whether my mother . . . my mother . . . and boys . . .

PATTI

Oh.  That.  It’s a shock, isn’t it?

PETER

(thinking: Does she know something?)

A shock?

PATTI

When you first think about your mother . . . and boys.  It’s a shock, right?

PETER

It sure is.  It’s a shock.

PATTI

(giggles)

Just think about what you want from me.

PETER

What?  I . . .

PATTI

Just think about what you want to do with me.

PETER

(doing precisely that)

Uh-huh.

PATTI

Now think about your mother sitting right here where I’m sitting, and some boy sitting right where you’re sitting, and that boy wanting to do with your mother what you want to do with me.

PETER

(stunned, startled)

Huh.

PATTI

And maybe he did. 

PETER

I’ve got an idea!

PATTI

Yeah, I’ll bet you do.

PETER

(like a mad scientist)

I’m going to take a trip into the past.

PATTI

You’ve got a time machine?

PETER

(modestly, as if he might)

No.  An imaginary trip, like a play . . . or a thought experiment in science.  I want to see what I can find out about whether . . . if . . . if my father . . . might not be my father.

PATTI

So that’s what this is all about.

PETER

Come with me . . . and play my mother.

PATTI

Your mother? Who are you going to play?

PETER

Dudley Beaker, who might be my father

PATTI

You are a little pervert!

PETER

Will you do it?

PATTI

(winking the knowing wink)

Sure.  We’re friends.  Anything you want . . . just ask.

You'll find more swell ideas from Candi Lee here.

Copyright © 2001 by Eric Kraft
Registered with the Writers Guild of America East in 2001 

The screenplay for Inflating a Dog is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, dialogues, settings, and businesses portrayed in it are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. 

All rights reserved. No part of this teleplay may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author. 

The illustration at the top of the page is an adaptation of an illustration by Stewart Rouse that first appeared on the cover of the August 1931 issue of Modern Mechanics and Inventions. The boy at the controls of the aerocycle doesn’t particularly resemble Peter Leroy—except, perhaps, for the smile.