|Inflating a Dog Screenplay
Chapter 13: Porky Darling (in which we visit Kapín Klam)
by Eric Kraft
The screen rights are available.
|EXT. THE KAPíN KLAM CLAM BAR. Itís
a very modest establishment, owned by PORKY WHITE, a big burly teddy bear,
who is determined to make something of the place.
Ella pulls into the clamshell parking lot. Peter swings the screen door open, and they enter.
CUT TO:INT. THE CLAM BAR. There are no other customers.
Ella bursts into tears.Hello, hello! Welcome to the home of happy diners! Ella! My high-school heart-throb! Itís great to see you. Howís that lucky son-of-a-gun Bert?PORKY(the cheerful host)
He knits his brows. He turns aside. He opens two beers and two bottles of Coffee-Toffee soda. He hands the bottles around. He shakes his head a couple of times.Hey, hey. Donít do that. This is supposed to be a happy place.PORKY (CONTíD.)(taking Ella in his arms)Oh, Porky, Iíve done a terrible thing!ELLA(striking her forehead)Come on. Chin up. What did you do?PORKYOh, Porky .†.†. Oh, Porky .†.†.ELLA(shakes her head)Ella .†.†. tell me.PORKY(gently)Ohhhh .†.†. I bought a clam boat!ELLA(wailing)Huh! .†.†. A clam boat!PORKY
Ella just shakes her head, as if itís too horrible to tell.You bought a clam boat. .†.†. Why?PORKY (CONTíD.)
Peter and Porky go behind the counter and get to work on six clamburgers, fried onions, french fries, and cardboard containers of Manhattan clam chowder.Weíre going to take people on excursions. Elegant excursions. Ellaís Elegant Excursions. With champagne. Champagne and moonlight.PATTI(hugging Ella)Itís going to be so elegant, Porky.ELLA(sniffling, but smiling)So why are you crying?PORKYBecause I wrote a check .†.†.ELLAAnd donít have the money to cover it.PORKY(quietly)And donít have the money to cover it.ELLA(even more quietly)Well .†.†. thatís how I got started here. Didnít have a dime and couldnít get the old man to lend me a nickel. I lined up investors.PORKYInvestors.ELLAYeah. Investors. Backers. People you can talk into risking their money so you donít have to risk yours.PORKY(glancing oddly at Peter)(looking at Peter, embarrassed for some reason)Or you could borrow from the bank.We want some clamburgers, Porky. Iíll help you.PETER(dispiritedly)Yeah. Okay.PORKY
Porky looks their way and sighs.You could invest, Porky.PETER(whispering to Porky)Aw, gee, Peter, I donít think so. Iím not making a fortune here, as you well know, and .†.†.PORKYI invested in you. All my paper-route money.PETER(very quietly)Donít think Iím not grateful, but letís keep this on a business basis.PORKYDonít you want to see them smile?PETER(nods at Ella and Patti)
He assembles the clamburgers and Peter wraps them. He pours the fries into a brown bag that immediately darkens with grease. They pack everything into larger bags.Sure. But youíve got to appreciate my position here .†.†.PORKYI do. I do appreciate your position, so hereís what Iíve got in mind: invest something now, anything, just to give my mother some confidence .†.†.PETERI .†.†.PORKY.†.†. and I promise you, as soon as I find another sucker, Iíll pay you back.PETERI donít know.PORKY
Porky hands Ella the check. She hands him some bills from her handbag. He takes them to the cash register and stands there a moment, with his head down. Then he hits the key to open the register, takes some bills from the money tray, adds them to what Ella gave him, and brings them to her.
Reluctantly, with a look for Peter that tells him he is speaking out of turn, she opens her wallet.Here you go.PORKYThanks, Porky.ELLA(not checking the change)You want to count that.PORKYPorky, Iím sure itís right.ELLAMom .†.†. you want to count it.PETER
Patti shoots a look in Peterís direction, raises an eyebrow, and purses her lips, silently asking whether Peter has considered Porky as a possible father.Oh!ELLA(looking at the bills)(embracing Porky)Oh, Porky!I figured, why donít I be your first investor .†.†. since Peter was mine, and since it seems like such a good idea, sound, you know, a solid investment, and .†.†. for old timesí sake.PORKY(turning a brilliant red)
Never. Not a chance.PETER(mouthing silently)Oh, Porky, darling, thank you!ELLA
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Copyright © 2001 by Eric
The screenplay for Inflating a Dog is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, dialogues, settings, and businesses portrayed in it are products of the authorís imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved. No part of this teleplay may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author.
The illustration at the top of the page is an adaptation of an illustration by Stewart Rouse that first appeared on the cover of the August 1931 issue of Modern Mechanics and Inventions. The boy at the controls of the aerocycle doesnít particularly resemble Peter Leroyóexcept, perhaps, for the smile.
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