Inflating a Dog Screenplay
Chapter 13: Porky Darling (in which we visit Kapín Klam)
by Eric Kraft
Inflating a Dog on Film

The screen rights are available.
E-mail Alec ďNickĒ Rafter.

EXT. THE KAPíN KLAM CLAM BAR. Itís a very modest establishment, owned by PORKY WHITE, a big burly teddy bear, who is determined to make something of the place.
Ella pulls into the clamshell parking lot. Peter swings the screen door open, and they enter. 
CUT TO:
INT. THE CLAM BAR. There are no other customers.
PORKY
(the cheerful host)
Hello, hello!  Welcome to the home of happy diners!  Ella!  My high-school heart-throb!  Itís great to see you.  Howís that lucky son-of-a-gun Bert?
Ella bursts into tears.
PORKY (CONTíD.)
(taking Ella in his arms)
Hey, hey.  Donít do that.  This is supposed to be a happy place.
ELLA
(striking her forehead)
Oh, Porky, Iíve done a terrible thing!
PORKY
Come on.  Chin up. What did you do?
ELLA
Oh, Porky .†.†. Oh, Porky .†.†.
(shakes her head)
PORKY
(gently)
Ella .†.†. tell me.
ELLA
(wailing)
Ohhhh .†.†. I bought a clam boat!
PORKY
Huh! .†.†. A clam boat!
He knits his brows.  He turns aside.  He opens two beers and two bottles of Coffee-Toffee soda.  He hands the bottles around.  He shakes his head a couple of times.
PORKY (CONTíD.)
You bought a clam boat. .†.†. Why?
Ella just shakes her head, as if itís too horrible to tell. 
PATTI
(hugging Ella)
Weíre going to take people on excursions.  Elegant excursions.  Ellaís Elegant Excursions.  With champagne.  Champagne and moonlight.
ELLA
(sniffling, but smiling)
Itís going to be so elegant, Porky.
PORKY
So why are you crying?
ELLA
Because I wrote a check .†.†. 
PORKY
(quietly)
And donít have the money to cover it.
ELLA
(even more quietly)
And donít have the money to cover it.
PORKY
Well .†.†. thatís how I got started here.  Didnít have a dime and couldnít get the old man to lend me a nickel.  I lined up investors.
ELLA
Investors.
PORKY
(glancing oddly at Peter)
Yeah.  Investors.  Backers.  People you can talk into risking their money so you donít have to risk yours.
(looking at Peter, embarrassed for some reason)
Or you could borrow from the bank.
PETER
(dispiritedly)
We want some clamburgers, Porky.  Iíll help you.
PORKY
Yeah.  Okay.
Peter and Porky go behind the counter and get to work on six clamburgers, fried onions, french fries, and cardboard containers of Manhattan clam chowder.
PETER
(whispering to Porky)
You could invest, Porky.
PORKY
Aw, gee, Peter, I donít think so.  Iím not making a fortune here, as you well know, and .†.†.
PETER
(very quietly)
I invested in you.  All my paper-route money.
PORKY
Donít think Iím not grateful, but letís keep this on a business basis.
PETER
(nods at Ella and Patti)
Donít you want to see them smile?
Porky looks their way and sighs.
PORKY
Sure.  But youíve got to appreciate my position here .†.†.
PETER
I do.  I do appreciate your position, so hereís what Iíve got in mind: invest something now, anything, just to give my mother some confidence .†.†.
PORKY
I .†.†.
PETER
.†.†. and I promise you, as soon as I find another sucker, Iíll pay you back.
PORKY
I donít know. 
He assembles the clamburgers and Peter wraps them.  He pours the fries into a brown bag that immediately darkens with grease.  They pack everything into larger bags.
Porky hands Ella the check.  She hands him some bills from her handbag.  He takes them to the cash register and stands there a moment, with his head down.  Then he hits the key to open the register, takes some bills from the money tray, adds them to what Ella gave him, and brings them to her.
PORKY
Here you go.
ELLA
(not checking the change)
Thanks, Porky.
PORKY
You want to count that.
ELLA
Porky, Iím sure itís right.
PETER
Mom .†.†. you want to count it.
Reluctantly, with a look for Peter that tells him he is  speaking out of turn, she opens her wallet.
ELLA
(looking at the bills)
Oh!
(embracing Porky)
Oh, Porky!
PORKY
(turning a brilliant red)
I figured, why donít I be your first investor .†.†. since Peter was mine, and since it seems like such a good idea, sound, you know, a solid investment, and .†.†. for old timesí sake.
Patti shoots a look in Peterís direction, raises an eyebrow, and purses her lips, silently asking whether Peter has considered Porky as a possible father.
PETER
(mouthing silently)
Never.  Not a chance.
ELLA
Oh, Porky, darling, thank you!
CUT TO:
Kap'n Klam, the First Restaurant
INFLATING A DOG SCREENPLAY | CONTENTS | CHAPTER 14

Candi Lee Manning and Alec "Nick" RafterHere are a couple of swell ideas from Eric Kraft's vivacious publicist, Candi Lee Manning.
 

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Copyright © 2001 by Eric Kraft
Registered with the Writers Guild of America East in 2001 

The screenplay for Inflating a Dog is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, dialogues, settings, and businesses portrayed in it are products of the authorís imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. 

All rights reserved. No part of this teleplay may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author. 

The illustration at the top of the page is an adaptation of an illustration by Stewart Rouse that first appeared on the cover of the August 1931 issue of Modern Mechanics and Inventions. The boy at the controls of the aerocycle doesnít particularly resemble Peter Leroyóexcept, perhaps, for the smile.

 
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