PLTV Pilot, Chapter 5

The Peter Leroy Television Series Pilot
Chapter 5

In Babbington, the series will run exclusively on WCLM-TV.
However, in the real world the television rights are available.
Contact:
Graham Leader

5. A HARDLY WORKING GUY, in which we meet DEXTER BURKE, the village idiot, Albertine’s nemesis.

INT. PETER AND ALBERTINE’S BEDROOM. DAWN. Peter slips out of bed, trying not to wake Albertine.

CUT TO:

INT. SMALL’S HOTEL. Peter makes his way downstairs, through the lobby, and into the kitchen. He’s sleepy, and not ready for much more than coffee, but he finds Lou already in the kitchen, making a sandwich. SUKI, the Small’s Hotel cook, is prepping breakfast. She is 28, Asian, very fond of Albertine.

LOU
(heartily)
Good morning! Coffee’s almost ready.

Peter can hardly manage a smile.

PETER
(mumbling, pouring coffee)
Morning.

LOU
(practically manic)
I was up bright and early! Saw the sun rise! Haven’t seen the sun rise since I was a kid.

PETER

Fascinating.

LOU

I’ve been down here chatting with Suki, and making myself a sandwich.

PETER
(with a smile for Suki)
A nice way to start the day.

LOU

I’m full of good cheer this morning. I don’t know what it is! Usually I’m of grumpy guy. Oh, sure, I’ll smile in the company of strangers, but . . .

PETER

Lou . . .

LOU

Yeah?

PETER

You know how some people prefer to be left alone until they’ve had their morning coffee?

LOU

Yeah! I used to be one of those people! But there’s something about the morning air here . . .

PETER

I’ll see if Dexter brought the papers.

LOU

Swell! I’ll come along.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE PATH THAT LEADS FROM THE HOTEL TO THE DOCK. Carrying his sandwich, Lou follows Peter down the path to the dock. Peter walks with his head down and his hands in his pockets. Lou savors the beauty of the morning.

PETER
(to himself)
“Swell”?

LOU

What’s that? I think I missed that.

PETER

I said, “Swell.”

LOU
(thinking Peter’s commenting on the view)
Yeah. Really swell.

PETER

I think you are the first person I’ve ever actually heard use the word swell. . . . You’re certainly the first person I’ve heard use the word swell so early in the morning.

LOU
(to change the subject)
This Dexter . . . who’s that?

PETER

Dexter? He’s our mailman, paperboy, delivery service . . .

LOU

Hardworking fellow?

PETER

Hardly working, as we say around here.

CUT TO:

EXT. BOLOTOMY BAY. Dexter on his clam boat, lazily making his way toward the island, drinking breakfast from a beer bottle.

PETER (CONT’D., V.O.)

He does some fishing and clamming, except when he would rather not.

CUT TO:

EXT. SMALL’S ISLAND. Peter and Lou on the path.

PETER (CONT’D.)

And on his way out to the bay he drops off our mail and our newspapers.

LOU
(chuckling)
Except when he would rather not.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE TOWN DOCK. Curt is watching through his spyglass, observing Dexter approaching the island.

PETER (V.O.)
(not chuckling)
I’ve come to suspect that Dexter doesn’t like delivering our mail.

CUT TO:

EXT. SMALL’S ISLAND. Peter and Lou on the path.

LOU
(enjoying this)
And why have you come to suspect that?

PETER

Because he does not exhibit any desire to see that it actually reaches us.

CUT TO:

EXT. BOLOTOMY BAY. Dexter lazily chugs toward the Small’s Island dock, half-heartedly flings a trash bag full of mail and supplies in the direction of the dock, and chugs on.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE TOWN DOCK. Curt, watching through his spyglass, grins, recognizing in Dexter a useful stooge.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE SMALL’S ISLAND DOCK. Peter and Lou have reached the dock. They stand in silence for a moment, looking at the plastic bag floating just out of reach.

LOU
(chuckling)
I see what you mean.

PETER
(not chuckling)
Yeah.

Peter stretches out on the dock and begins trying to snag the bag with a boat hook. Lou watches, munching his sandwich and admiring the view, the mist rising from the placid bay, the golden light of the rising sun. After a short while . . .

LOU

What a great morning!

Peter twists around to see if Lou’s being sarcastic.

LOU (CONT’D.)

Looks like it’s sinking.

PETER

You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?

LOU
(a little embarrassed)
I guess I am.. . . Look, why don’t we start up the launch and go out and get it before it goes under?

PETER

Because the “launch” leaks, Lou, and before it leaves the dock I like to pump it dry improve my odds of staying afloat for the duration of my journey.

LOU

It won’t sink between here and there.

Peter gives him a look that says “that’s what you think.”

LOU
(eager as a kid)
Why don’t I pump it? Whaddaya say?

PETER

Swell idea.

CUT TO:

THIRTY SECONDS OF
"PUT THAT SUN BACK IN THE SKY"
THE BOSWELL SISTERS
(MARTHA, CONNIE, AND VET)

MUSIC UP: Ray Charles singing “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning!” or, if that’s not available, the Boswell Sisters singing “Put That Sun Back in the Sky.”

Peter handing the bilge pump to Lou. . . .
Lou belowdecks, pumping away furiously. . . .
Lou finishing up, wiping his brow. . . .
Peter starting the engine, Lou casting off. . . .
Peter pulling alongside the bag, Lou snagging it.
Lou hauling the bag aboard like a prize marlin.
(Through it all, Lou is having a hell of a good time.)

CUT TO:

EXT. THE PATH TO THE HOTEL. Peter and Lou carrying the dripping bag between them, on their way back to the hotel.

CUT TO:

INT. SMALL’S HOTEL. FRONT HALL. Peter and Lou laying the things out to dry. Albertine enters the front hall, finds it covered with newspapers, magazines, letters, junk mail.

ALBERTINE
(after a pause, singing from the verse to “Just One of Those Things”)
“As Dorothy Parker once said . . .”
(then not singing, theatrically growling)
“What fresh hell is this?”

PETER
(pointing out that he has at least put the mess into orderly piles)
It’s the papers . . . and the mail . . . and the magazines.

ALBERTINE

And it’s all over the damned place?

LOU
(beaming)
Just the ground floor.

ALBERTINE

Oh, this is swell. This is just swell.

Peter gives her a look, this being the second time he has heard someone use the word swell this early in the morning.

CUT TO:

PLTV | CONTENTS | CHAPTER 6

Here are a couple of swell ideas from Eric Kraft's vivacious publicist, Candi Lee Manning.

You'll find more swell ideas from Candi Lee here.

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The scripts for The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy Television Series are works of fiction. The characters, incidents, dialogues, settings, and businesses portrayed in it are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this teleplay may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author.

The illustration at the top of the page is an adaptation of an illustration by Stewart Rouse that first appeared on the cover of the August 1931 issue of Modern Mechanics and Inventions. The boy at the controls of the aerocycle doesn’t particularly resemble Peter Leroy—except, perhaps, for the smile.

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AUTHOR’S STATEMENT

LITTLE FOLLIES
HERB ’N’ LORNA
RESERVATIONS RECOMMENDED
WHERE DO YOU STOP?
WHAT A PIECE OF WORK I AM
AT HOME WITH THE GLYNNS
LEAVING SMALL’S HOTEL
INFLATING A DOG
PASSIONATE SPECTATOR
MAKING MY SELF
A TOPICAL GUIDE

CLASSIFIEDS
SWELL IDEAS

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