PLTV Pilot, Chapter 6

The Peter Leroy Television Series Pilot
Chapter 6

In Babbington, the series will run exclusively on WCLM-TV. However, in the real world the television rights are available. Contact: Graham Leader		6. JEFFREY APPRAISES, in which Jeffrey, of Jeffrey’s Realty, tells Pete and Al what their dream is worth. EXT. BOLOTOMY BAY. Peter at the wheel of the “launch,” with Jeffrey, of Jeffrey’s Realty. JEFFREY (to Peter) I was thrilled when Albertine accepted a free appraisal. I’ve always thought the old place could be really something . . . in the right hands. Peter gives him a look, but Jeffrey remains completely unaware that he has said the wrong thing. CUT TO: EXT. SMALL’S ISLAND DOCK. Peter is making the launch fast; Jeffrey is disembarking; Albertine is welcoming him. JEFFREY (to Albertine) As I was telling Peter, I was thrilled when you accepted my offer . . . CUT TO: EXT. SMALL’S ISLAND, VARIOUS LOCATIONS. Sequence of shots of Jeffrey, with Albertine . . . inspecting the buildings . . . making notes . . . looking at the boats . . . snapping lots of pictures for reference . . . conferring. CUT TO: INT. SMALL’S HOTEL DINING ROOM. Jeffrey sits across from Peter and Albertine. He pushes a piece of paper across the table. PETER Is that just for the hotel, or . . . ? JEFFREY That would be for everything. PETER The hotel and the island? Jeffrey laughs as if this is Peter’s little joke. PETER (CONT’D.) Does that mean yes or no? JEFFREY It . . . um . . . it means yes. No one says anything, and when the silence has grown embarrassing, Jeffrey shrugs and grimaces and says: JEFFREY Of course you could ask more, but I think I’m being realistic. PETER I hate that. JEFFREY What? ALBERTINE Being realistic. JEFFREY Well . . . He stands and begins to put his papers into his briefcase. JEFFREY (CONT’D.) Perhaps you’d like to talk it over and think about listing the place . . . just to see if there’s a buyer out there. Test the waters, you know. He snaps the briefcase shut. PETER Yes. Yes. We’d like to do that. Jeffrey brightens. PETER (CONT’D.) Talk it over, I mean. I’ll . . . uh . . . take you back to the mainland. Peter gets up and walks out of the room and out of the hotel and toward the dock. Jeffrey scrambles to follow. CUT TO: EXT. THE SMALL’S ISLAND DOCK. Peter starts the “launch” at once, and Jeffrey has to scramble to get aboard. JEFFREY (to Albertine) I’ll be in touch. Peter guns the launch, and Jeffrey grabs for a handhold. CUT TO: EXT. BOLOTOMY BAY. Peter stony-faced at the wheel. He’s getting all the speed he can out of the old tub, and Jeffrey isn’t having a comfortable ride. JEFFREY (trying to win Peter over) I know how you feel . . . We see this quite a lot. . . . “Appraisal Shock,” we call it. . . . But try to realize that I was only appraising the hotel . . . and the island . . . not you . . . not your life . . . your decisions . . . your dreams. CUT TO: EXT. BABBINGTON TOWN DOCK. Peter beginning to pull away before Jeffrey has entirely disembarked, leaving a wake. CUT TO:
THIRTY SECONDS OF "SEPTEMBER SONG" LOU REED		EXT. BOLOTOMY BAY. LATE AFTERNOON. Peter is at the wheel of the launch. The bay is calm. The afternoon light strikes an autumnal note of time running out. Peter begins trying to sing “September Song.” He sounds like Lou Reed. PETER (singing) For it’s a long, long way From May to December, And the days grow short, When you reach September. Then he spots a rowboat ahead with someone standing in it, waving his arms. It’s the Small’s Hotel rowboat, and the arm-waver is Lou. Peter pulls alongside. LOU (singing out) Perfect timing! This thing leaks worse than that thing. The water in the rowboat is a couple of inches below the gunwales. Peter throws Lou a line. When the rowboat is secure for towing, Peter extends a hand to Lou. LOU (clambering aboard) Thanks, Pete. PETER Peter. LOU (oblivious) You know, it’s a funny thing about sitting in a sinking boat in the middle of the ocean . . . PETER The bay. LOU It makes you think, you know? PETER (a bit like Bob Balducci) Yeah. LOU Sitting there sinking, I said to myself, “If you get out of this alive . . . it’s time you recognized that most of your life is over!” . . . You know what I mean? PETER Yeah. They continue on across the bay while Lou Reed sings “September Song.” CUT TO:
THIRTY SECONDS OF "MEMORIES OF YOU" THELONIOUS MONK		INT. JEFFREY’S REALTY. Jeffrey enters, unlocking the door, to find Curt there, sitting in Jeffrey’s chair with his feet up on Jeffrey’s desk. JEFFREY Curtis! You’re . . . How did you get in? CURT The door was open. JEFFREY (looking at his keys) It was? CURT Practically. . . . How did it go? JEFFREY He doesn’t want to sell, definitely not. . . . But she’s not so sure. CURT She could be persuaded? JEFFREY I think so, but she’d never agree to sell if he didn’t. It’s . . . love. CURT Mmm. JEFFREY But I can see that things aren’t going well. . . . Maybe the old Small’s curse is working against them. CURT (pleased to hear it) The Small’s curse? JEFFREY Maybe I shouldn’t tell you, since you want to buy it, but supposedly old Curtis Small . . . Hey, that’s funny . . . Curtis Small, Curtis Little. Curt knits his brows and gives Jeffrey a puzzled look, as if he sees no similarity at all. JEFFREY Anyway . . . supposedly the old guy put a hex on the place that can’t be lifted until it belongs to the Smalls again. CURT (scoffing, but curious) A hex? JEFFREY Who knows? It could be. The Smalls were quite a family . . . legends. They go way, way back. People say the first town jail was built to hold a Small. . . . In the early days, Smalls used to light beacon fires on the beach and lure ships onto sand bars . . . then they’d swoop down and pick them clean . . . no survivors. CURT Really? JEFFREY It’s what people say. They were wartime profiteers, right on down the line from the Revolution to both world wars. They ran rum during prohibition. . . . All of it on a small scale, but still . . . bad apples for generations. CURT And these aren’t just myths and legends and rumors and gossip and slander? You know, “Good name in man and woman, Is the menial jewel of their souls. Steal my purse, you’re stealing trash . . . But if you go flinching from me my good name . . .” (pauses, can’t recall the line, cuts to the chase) “You make me poor indeed.” Jeffrey is flabbergasted by this performance. JEFFREY What? CURT Othello. JEFFREY All I know is what I hear, but all the old Babbingtonians have their stories about the Smalls. CURT I’d like to get a look at the place for myself. JEFFREY (reaching for the phone) Sure . . . CURT (clamping his hand roughly enough to startle Jeffrey) Not so fast. I don’t want to show my hand just yet, you know what I mean? JEFFREY (rubbing his hand) Of course. CURT (heading for the door) I’ll think of something. . . . You’ll hear from me. CUT TO: INT. SMALL’S HOTEL LOUNGE. THAT EVENING. Lou, Dick, and Jane find seats. Peter takes his place reluctantly. Suki arrives with a platter of bizarre hors d’oeuvres, and takes a seat herself. Albertine sits at the piano, notes his mood, and plays a bluesy bit of “Memories of You.” CUT TO:
		PLTV \| CONTENTS \| CHAPTER 7

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The scripts for The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy Television Series are works of fiction. The characters, incidents, dialogues, settings, and businesses portrayed in it are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this teleplay may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author.

The illustration at the top of the page is an adaptation of an illustration by Stewart Rouse that first appeared on the cover of the August 1931 issue of Modern Mechanics and Inventions. The boy at the controls of the aerocycle doesn’t particularly resemble Peter Leroy—except, perhaps, for the smile.

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LITTLE FOLLIES
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WHERE DO YOU STOP?
WHAT A PIECE OF WORK I AM
AT HOME WITH THE GLYNNS
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