The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
 
Herb ’n’ Lorna (A Love Story) by Eric Kraft, as Peter Leroy
Chapter 15: 
In Which Herb and Lorna’s Grandson and Biographer Is Born

 

BUSTER LEROY DROWNED when his ship, a destroyer escort, was torpedoed in the North Atlantic.  The news came one Wednesday evening, while Herb was in the dining room at home, playing Piper Poker with the Spotters Club, some spotters who had begun getting together every Wednesday evening.
    “Okay,” said Dexter Rice, “what’ve you got?”
    “Three pair. Heinkel one-elevens, Mitsubishi Zeroes, and Dornier two-seventeens,” said Bob Schoop.
    “Damn!” said Simon Misch.  “I should’ve known you were bluffing!”
    “Three pair: one-elevens, Zeroes, and two-seventeens.  That’s good,” said Dexter.  “That’s good.  But it’s not good enough, I’m afraid.”  He spread his hand on the table.  “A pair of Kawanishi Emilys, a pair of Junkers eighty-eights, and three Messerschmitt one-oh-nines.”
    “I don’t believe it!” said Simon.  “I could have taken that pot.  Look at this!  A double full house: Dornier seventeens over Mitsubishi Bettys over Stukas.  I’m no good at this game.”
    “All right, all right,” said Dexter, shuffling.  “My deal.  The game is twelve-card draw.  Kawasaki Nicks are wild.  Sturmvogels and Zeroes or better to open.”
    The phone rang.  “Deal me in,” said Herb.  “I’ll be right back.”
    It was Jack Leroy.  He could barely manage to tell Herb what had happened.  The Leroys had known the awful news since that morning, but they’d been enclosed in their grief.  Only when the sun went down and Jack made himself a drink did he even realize that other people needed to know.  Ella came to mind, and he knew that he had to call and tell her.  When he had given the operator the number, he prayed silently that she wouldn’t answer.  When Herb answered, he thought that he really ought to ask Herb to put Ella on so that he could tell her himself, but then he realized with relief that he couldn’t not tell Herb, now that Herb was on the phone.  He told him.
    “My God,” said Herb.  “Oh, my God.”  He didn’t say anything else.  He just set the handset in the cradle.
    Dexter was finishing a joke: “—so she says, ‘But this has to be Thursday because the iceman always comes on Thursday, right after the milkman and just before the grocery boy!’ ”
    Hilarity followed.  Bob Schoop, with a bite of sandwich in his mouth, kept repeating, “Tell Herb.  Tell Herb.”
    Herb stood with his hands on the edge of the table, saying nothing.  After a while everyone noticed that he was just standing there, and everyone noticed the look on his face.  “What’s the matter, Herb?” asked Dexter.
    “That boy—Buster Leroy—he’s dead.”
    “Dead?” said Simon, who lived near the Leroys and had had his Babbington Reporter delivered by Buster, his garden weeded by Bert, his car washed by the pair.  “Dead?”
    “Who is he?” asked Bob.
    “Come on,” said Simon, who understood at once.  “We’ve got to go.”
    “Who is he?” asked Bob.
    “I’ll tell you outside,” said Simon.  “Come on.”
    They were gone in a few moments.  Herb stood at the table.  Bob’s sandwich lay on his plate, a couple of bites out of it.  Dexter had left an untouched half.  They should have taken those sandwiches, thought Herb.  He picked up his beer glass and took a swallow.  The table was littered with spotters’ cards.  Herb gathered them up and made a neat stack.  He carried the plates into the kitchen.  He wrapped the uneaten sandwiches in waxed paper.  He washed the dishes.  He finished his beer.  He wiped the dining room table with a dishcloth and dried it with the dish towel.  He turned the kitchen light off, went into the dining room, where the telephone was, on a table in a corner near the living room, and called Lorna in Baltimore.
    Lorna was enjoying herself, seated at the center of a group of calculating women, working on a soap carving—it depicted the woman who had requested it in the passionate embrace of Gary Cooper—when Herb’s call came through.  She and Herb decided that she should arrange to return home at once and that Herb should wake Ella and tell her the awful news.
    Herb stood in Ella’s doorway for a while, just watching her sleep and listening to her deep, untroubled breathing.  He sighed and stepped to the side of her bed.  He sat on the edge and put his hand on her shoulder.
    “Ella,” he whispered.  “Ella.”
    She stirred, but she didn’t wake up.
    “Ella,” he said, so softly that Ella would have had difficulty hearing him if she’d been awake, “something awful has happened, and I have to tell you about it.”  Ella stirred, stretched, and turned her head slightly, so that she almost seemed to be responding to him, but still she didn’t wake up.  “Buster is dead, Ella,” Herb said, so quietly that Ella didn’t stir at the sound of his voice.  “It’s terrible, terrible.  I called your mother in Maryland.  She’ll come home right away.  She should be here tomorrow night, so we only have to get through tonight and tomorrow without her.  Then she’ll be here, and she’ll—”
    Ella stirred again.  She turned onto her back, and she rolled her head away from Herb toward the window.  Herb held his breath.  He could feel his heart pounding, and in the quiet of the room he seemed to be able to hear it.  He waited.  Ella didn’t open her eyes.
    “She’ll know what to say, what to tell you.  She’ll know what to do.”  He put his hand on Ella’s cheek.  “You can’t let this get the best of you, Ella,” he said.  “You can’t let it—destroy you.  You have a way of taking everything too hard.  This isn’t the end of the world.  You still have Bert.”  He sighed. Oh, God, he thought.  I hope I can come up with something better than that when she’s awake.
    The telephone rang.  It startled him.  He stood suddenly.  Ella cried out and sat up in her bed.
    “It’s all right.  It’s all right,” he assured her.  He reached out to her, held her shoulders.  “It’s all right, Ella.  It’s only me.”
    “What’s the matter, Daddy?” she asked.  “What’s wrong?”
    “I—”
    “The phone’s ringing.”
    “Yes. It’s—”
    “Is it our ring?”
    “I don’t know.  I—I didn’t pay attention.”
    “It is.  It’s our ring.  You’d better get it.  It must be important.”
    “It’s probably your mother, Ella. I have to—I’ll be right back.”  Herb backed out of the room, and he dashed down the hall to get the phone.
    Ella got out of bed and pulled her robe on.  She stood in the hall for a moment, listening.  She heard her father’s voice, but it seemed to come from farther away than the dining room, and he was saying very little, not much more than “yes” and “I understand.”  He came back to the hall.  “What is it, Daddy?” she whispered.
    “It’s for Mrs. Stolz,” he said.  He brought his hands up over his eyes.  “It’s bad news.  Her grandson.  Her grandson is dead.  Killed.”
    “Oh, Daddy,” said Ella.  She felt a surge of compassion and responsibility that struck her as a more mature feeling than anything she had experienced before.  “Let me go wake her up.  You wait here.  I’ll get her.”  She took the copy of The Thousand and One Nights from the shelf and replaced it.  The bookcase swung open, and Ella disappeared into the dark.  In a few moments she emerged with Mrs. Stolz, who was blinking at the light and repeating, “What is it?  What is it?”  Ella took her to the phone and stayed with her while she spoke to her daughter.  Herb stood in the hall.  He felt that he could barely breathe.  His hands wouldn’t stop shaking.  His mouth was too dry to allow him to swallow.  Ella and Mrs. Stolz came back, walking slowly, bent, as if they were wearing wet overcoats.  “I’ll help Mrs. Stolz pack,” said Ella.  “You should call Mother, Daddy.  Tell her.  Then call about a train for Mrs. Stolz.”
    “I already called your mother,” said Herb.  “She’ll be home tomorrow night.”
    “You did?  She will?” said Ella.
    “Yes,” said Herb.  Mechanically, distractedly, he added what he had rehearsed: “So we only have tonight and tomorrow to get through without her.  Then she’ll be here, and she’ll—she’ll help you.  She’ll know what to do.  She—oh, Ella—”  His mission came back to him suddenly.  “Something awful has happened.”
    Ella was a little frightened.  Her father seemed to have forgotten what had just happened, forgotten that he had already told her about the something awful.
    “I know,” she said.
    “No.  No.  It’s—Ella, come into the living room and sit down, I—”
    “What is it, Daddy?” she asked.
    “Ella—” he began.  His voice had the colorlessness that comes from rehearsal.  “Buster is dead too.”
    For one awful moment, Ella thought that her father was playing a trick on her.  Then she knew that it must be true.  Her legs gave way under her.  She dropped to her knees beside Herb and huddled against him.  “Oh, why Buster?” she asked.

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MAY CASTLE met Lorna’s train at the Babbington station.  It was the last week of January.  Snow was falling in fat, wet, heavy clumps.  On the ground, the flakes turned to slush.  May and Lorna greeted each other quickly, hugged briefly on the platform, and then rushed across the parking lot to May’s Chrysler, threw Lorna’s luggage onto the back seat, and climbed in.
    “Whew!” said May.  “What a night!  Horrible!  Just horrible!  What a night to have to go through what you’re going to have to go through.”
    “Good weather wouldn’t make it any easier,” said Lorna.
    “No, it wouldn’t,” said May.  “Nothing makes it any easier any more.  I used to love a nice night, a clear night, with stars.  The stars used to make me happy, but now—oh, now nothing makes me happy.  Everything seems so miserable.  Everything seems so hopeless.”
    “May!” said Lorna.  “Is that the way you feel?  Does everything seem hopeless to you?”
    “Well, yes,” said May.  “I think it does.  It was different when I was younger, at least it was different for me when I was younger.  I think I thought I was going to live forever.  No.  That’s not it.  I never thought about it at all—dying, I mean.  Now, well, now dying is all anyone talks about.  It’s all I think about.  I look at myself in the mirror in the morning, and I think to myself, You’re dying, May.  This dying woman you see in your mirror is you.  Doesn’t that seem hopeless?”
    “It sounds as if you’re upset about growing old, May, not about dying.”
    “Well.  Maybe.  Maybe I am.  I don’t know which is worse,” said May.  “You either die or grow old—or both.  It’s hopeless.”
    Lorna burst out laughing.  For hours, throughout the train ride, she’d tried to prepare herself for Ella.  She had imagined the look on Ella’s face when she saw her, tried to imagine what Ella would be feeling, what Ella would need from her, and how she could come close to providing it.  She hadn’t expected May, hadn’t prepared for her, wasn’t sure what she needed or how to provide it.  “I’m sorry May,” Lorna said.  “I’m not laughing at you.  I’m just—I’m just nervous, I guess.”
    She studied May’s face while May peered through the snow and concentrated on her driving.  For the first time, Lorna saw beyond her remembered image of May as a gay and lighthearted girl.  She saw the wrinkles around May’s eyes, the furrows across her brow, the vertical lines in her upper lip.  She remembered the night after she had met the Leroy boys, when she had sat in the living room, alone in the dark, slumping under the weight of the feeling that she was too old to interest anyone as young as Buster Leroy, annoyed that she had lived to be older than she had ever wanted to be.  “I know how you feel, May,” she said.
    May turned to look at her, just for a moment.  Lorna put a smile on her face.  “It is hopeless,” she said.  She laughed.  “It’s a hopeless situation, but you don’t have to feel miserable about it.  Maybe we should feel miserable about it, but I don’t—not any more.”
    “Oh?” said May.  “Did you meet a man in Baltimore?”
    “No!” said Lorna.  She grinned in the dark.  “I—found something to—keep me going.  It was very difficult there.  The work they wanted us to do was impossible.  Every day we fell farther behind.  We just couldn’t do everything they wanted us to do.  It was impossible.  It was a hopeless situation.  We all knew they were disappointed in us, and we were disappointed, too.  But I didn’t feel miserable about it.  The others didn’t, either.  Somewhere along the line, we all decided—those of us who stuck it out—not everybody did—that we would do everything we could do and that was all we could do.”
    “I see those logic puzzles have paid off,” said May.  Lorna poked her shoulder.
    “I worked as much as I could,” Lorna went on, “and I got as much done as I could.  I liked it.  I think we all liked it.  We had wonderful times at night.  We were all thrown together, a hundred of us, with a hundred stories to tell.  We were always tired, but we were never too tired to talk.  I heard stories about husbands and sisters and uncles and mothers and babies and—everything.”
    “But what did you find?”
    “Find?”
    “What did you find to keep you going?”
    “Oh.  Work.  Work and—I—”  Lorna stopped herself.  She had been about to tell May about her soap carvings.  Now, she decided, was not the time, but after the liberation of her work with the calculating women, she was determined not to keep her work a secret from May.
    “It’s too long a story, May,” she said.  “I’ll tell you tomorrow.”
    “When do you have to go back?”
    “Back?”
    “To Baltimore.”
    “Oh, there isn’t really any need for me to go back.  The project is a failure, really.  Oh, not a failure, just not a success.  It’s not as if I’d make the difference if I went back.  They very nearly told me to stay home.  I think they didn’t want to actually tell me that it wouldn’t make any difference whether I came back or not, so they told me again and again how important it would be for me to be at home with my daughter now, that they understood, and they didn’t want me even to think about coming back for several months.”
    “Well, they were right.  It is important for you to be home with Ella now.”
    “Oh, I know,” said Lorna.
    They had arrived.  May stopped the car and sat with both hands on the wheel, looking straight ahead through the windshield.  “Shall I come in with you?  No, you wouldn’t want me to come in with you, would you?  You’ll want to see them on your own first.  I’ll come over tomorrow.”
    “Will you help me with my bags?”
    “Oh!  Of course!  Of course I will.  I don’t know what I was thinking of.”
    Together, they carried Lorna’s bags to the porch.  Before she let herself in, Lorna took May by the sleeve and asked her, suddenly, impulsively, “Is Garth home, May?”
    “No,” said May.  “No.  He’s off somewhere.  He’s off somewhere quite a lot, lately.”  She looked downward.
    Lorna put her hand under May’s chin and tilted her head upward.  “Why don’t you go out somewhere and have a drink?” she said.
    “What?” said May.  “By myself?  You mean to a bar?”
    “Yes,” said Lorna.  “Why don’t you go somewhere where someone is laughing and telling loud stories?”
    “Where would that be?”
    “Oh, I don’t know,” said Lorna.  “There must be—”
    “Someplace where I could go by myself?  Believe me, Lorna, Garth and I have done time in every bar in this town, and the only women alone in any of them are women I wouldn’t want to know.  There is no— Well, actually, I have to take that back.  There is one place.  Whitey’s.  It’s a family kind of place.  Kids and everything.  There wouldn’t be children this late, I guess, but there are sometimes.  We used to have quite a lot of fun there, to tell the truth.  Whitey is quite a sketch.  He—”
    “Good.  Good, May.  Go there.  Talk with some people.  Laugh a little.”
    “Oh, but—  Come with me, Lorna.  Oh, of course—”
    “Go on, May.  You go.  Go have some fun.”
    “But I—”
    “Go to Whitey’s by yourself tonight, and I promise you I’ll go there with you tomorrow night.  I have a wonderful secret to tell you.  All right?”
    “All right,” said May.  In the light that came through the diamond-shaped window in the front door, Lorna could see that she was smiling.
    Lorna went inside, and she spent the night holding Ella, talking to her, trying to soothe her, and regretting that she had ever told Ella that she ought to choose between Bert and Buster.
    May went to Whitey’s.  She found that she liked the place from the moment she arrived.  She saw many familiar faces there, and she rediscovered a pleasure in light conversation and inconsequential flirtation that, she was surprised to find, was much of what she missed of youth.

THE NEXT NIGHT, at Whitey’s, Lorna told May about her soap carvings, and then she went on to tell her all the rest, the whole story of her work in coarse goods.  They were facing each other, sitting in a wooden booth, one of several along the wall opposite the bar.  They became more and more animated as Lorna’s story progressed and May consumed Manhattans.  At last Lorna said, “I’ll bet you think I’m making this up.”  She leaned across the table and looked hard at May.  “Don’t you?” she asked.
    May wasn’t sure what she thought.  “Well,” she said, pausing with her glass raised, “I’m not sure what I think.  You might be making it up.  It’s a delicious idea, but it isn’t something I’d expect you to do.  You are—you have always seemed—to me—a little—well—prim.”  She giggled.  Lorna smiled at her but didn’t speak.  May couldn’t decide whether Lorna was pulling her leg or not.  “Oh, I don’t know.  It’s a wonderful thought,” she said.  “I know you have the talent—”  She mimicked Lorna’s tight-lipped smile.  She sat in silence for a while, but still Lorna spoke only with her twinkling eyes.  May shrugged.  “Oh, I guess I believe you,” she said.
    Lorna reached into her bag and brought from it a silver watchcase.  She held it in front of May, cupped in her hands so that the people near them wouldn’t see it.  She pressed the stem.  The lid popped open.  May’s eyes lit up.
    “Ohhhhh,” said May.  She set her glass down.  She leaned closer to get a better look at the little ivory couple inside the case.  Slowly, Lorna turned the stem.
    “Oh, my God!” said May.  The laugh she laughed was astonished, shocked, thrilled.  “That’s—”  She leaned across the table and said in a whisper, “—obscene.”  She laughed again.  “And wonderful,” she added.  “May I?”  Lorna handed her the watchcase, and May examined the ivory couple closely while she turned the stem.
    “I don’t want to brag,” said Lorna, “but I hope you’ll notice the workmanship.”
    “Oh, I am,” said May.  “I certainly am noticing the workmanship.”  More laughter.
    “My goodness,” said May, “where do you get your ideas?  I mean—well, this seems quite—ah—advanced.  Do you and Herb—do you—ah—do this sort of thing?”
    “Now and then,” said Lorna.  A thought struck her, and she voiced it without considering whether she ought to.  “Not for a while, though.”
    “You don’t mean that you have—ah—other models?”
    “Oh, no.  I just meant that we—don’t—”
    “Yes,” said May.  She sighed.  “Well, none of us drinks champagne as often as we’d like, either.”
    “Anyway,” said Lorna, “most of the ideas aren’t mine.  Most of the—um—movements, the routines—”
    “Oh, hardly routine!”
    “Well, I get models—”
    May raised her eyebrows.
    “Not that kind.  Little stick figures, made of wire, with all the gears and all of that, the works.  I get them from my Uncle Luther—”
    “My goodness!  That man’s an inspiration for us all.  How old is the randy geezer?”
    “He doesn’t make them up.  I don’t know who does, to tell you the truth.”
    “Well!  If it’s a man, it’s a man I’d like to meet,” said May.  They fell into such loud and raucous laughter that May had to hide the watchcase beneath the table, since they had attracted the attention of everyone around them.

LORNA WAS LESS SUCCESSFUL in cheering Ella up.  She had been able to lead May to what she needed, the pleasure of society, but Ella needed Buster, and that was something no one could supply.  Ella spent hours lying on her bed, her hands clasped behind her head, her eyes fixed on the ceiling.  When she was up, she walked through the house in silence.  She went about her business as if living had become merely a set of automatic responses.  When Lorna put food in front of her, she ate it.  When Lorna suggested a ride, she put a coat on, got into the car with Lorna, and rode.  If Lorna asked her to wash the dishes, she put an apron on, stood at the sink, and spent a silent hour working.

    Lorna was just, well, shaken by how depressed Ella was.  She had this idea that it was terribly important for Ella to stop this grieving, to get on with life.  Well, isn’t that just how she felt about me?  You know—I don’t mind saying this now, but I would never have admitted anything of the sort at the time, never—I was in despair myself.  Garth, well, Garth was being simply awful.  It was a terrible enough time, wasn’t it, without his being such a rat.  There was the damned war, and none of us was getting any younger, and everyone was depressed as hell.  And Lorna—oh, Lorna. Lorna was an angel, a dear.  She was determined that she was going to pull you out of your depression.  She was going to figure out what would cheer you up and see that you got it.  But I’ll tell you what I think.  I think that cheering us up was what cheered her up.  By trying to make the rest of us feel not-so-miserable, she was keeping herself from feeling miserable.  That’s what I think.
    Lorna went back to work at the slide rule factory.  She found that she had become a celebrity there.  In her absence, people had exaggerated the work she had been doing in Maryland, as the people of Chacallit had, after the First World War, exaggerated the exploits of Andrew Proctor.  Rumors had spread among her co-workers that Lorna’s work was secret, mysterious, dangerous, absolutely essential to the war effort.  No one expected her to talk about it when she returned, but everyone hoped she would, that at least she would accidentally drop a hint now and then.  Whenever she did say anything about the calculation of artillery firing tables, her listeners would smile and nod, exchange a wink or a nudge, certain that they understood hidden meanings in whatever she said, certain that she was diminishing the importance of what she had done and hiding its true nature because in these frightening times no one knew who might be listening.  Each evening, Lorna returned home flushed with the pleasure of her work and the admiration of her co-workers, and then, just inside the front door, dropped, as if she were riding a swift elevator, into Ella’s misery.  Then, one evening, when she stood in the doorway of Ella’s bedroom wondering what she might say to her, she noticed through the window the light from Dudley Beaker’s living room, and she asked herself, Now, why didn’t I think of that before?
    “Ella,” said Lorna, “have you spoken to Dudley recently?”  There was concern in her voice.
    “No,” said Ella.  “I haven’t.  Why do you ask?”
    “Oh, I don’t know,” said Lorna.  She stepped into the room and walked to the window.  She stood there a moment, looking across at Dudley’s living room window.  She sighed.  “He seems awfully down in the dumps to me.  I wondered what you thought.”
    “Do you think anything is wrong with him?”  Ella turned onto her side, facing the window.
    “Well, I’m not certain,” said Lorna, “but I think Dudley may be feeling a little—old.”
    “Oh, but that’s silly.  Why should Dudley feel—”
    “He’s thirty now, you know.”
    “That’s true—”
    “And none of us paid much attention to his birthday.  We haven’t been paying much attention to him at all lately.  He may be feeling a little neglected.”
    “Oh.”
    “He might feel that—oh, I don’t know how to put it—he might feel that the romance has gone from his life.”
    “That’s a terrible thing,” said Ella.  She got up from the bed and stood beside Lorna, looking in the direction of Dudley’s house.  “His light’s on.  He’s home now,” she said.  “Do you think I should—”
    “That’s a fine idea!” said Lorna.  “Why don’t you go over and try to cheer him up.”
    “All right.  If you think it would help.”
    “Don’t let him see that you’re worried about him, of course—”
    “Oh, I wouldn’t.”
    “And—try to show him that he’s—not too old to be interesting—to a girl your age.  Flirt with him a little.”
    “Mother!”
    “It’s the one thing that’s certain to make him feel rejuvenated.”
    “Well, I—”
    “Brush your hair.  And put on that sweater that buttons up the back.”
    “I thought you didn’t approve of that sweater.”
    “I—oh, don’t bother about what I think.  Dudley’s sure to like it.”
    When she had finished the dishes, Lorna went into the living room and sat at the piano with the lights off.  Herb was off playing cards with the Spotters Club, and Ella was in Dudley’s arms, where she was rediscovering, to her surprise, a set of sensations that she thought she’d never experience again and learning, for the first time, that love is not a homogenized, unvarying blend.  In the dark, Lorna began to play “Lake Serenity Serenade.”

ONE AFTERNOON a couple of weeks later, while a team at the University of Pennsylvania was hard at work on the first electronic computer (the “electronic numerical integrator and calculator,” or ENIAC), thereby hastening the eventual obsolescence of the slide rule, Lorna was alone in the kitchen, whipping up a batch of potato salad and listening to The Loves of Ellen Burch on the radio.  Dudley appeared at the back door, tapping on the window, fogging the glass with his breath.  Lorna motioned to him to come in, and he did.  He closed the door behind him and stood on the mat.  “Lorna,” he asked, “is Ella home?”
    “No,” said Lorna.  “She’s at Emily’s.”
    “Good,” said Dudley.  He began pulling his galoshes off.  “You and I have to talk.”
    “Oh?” said Lorna.  “What about?”
    “About Ella,” said Dudley.  An organ crescendo came from the radio.  Ellen Burch, a young girl with dreams, had arrived at an important fork in her young life just as Dudley had arrived at the back door.  Lorna wondered whether she had decided to travel to Patagonia with the darkly intriguing Reynaldo or stay in Beaverton with Dave.  Two actors portraying the Bullard Brothers began an advertisement for Bullard Brothers’ Double-Roasted Coffee.  “It’s roasted,” said the first.  “And roasted again,” said the second.  “For twice the coffee flavor,” they said together.  “So your second cup is almost as good as your first.”
    “Do you want some coffee, Dudley?” asked Lorna.
    “Yes, thank you, that would be nice,” said Dudley.
    Lorna struck a match and lit the gas under what was left of the morning coffee.
    “Poor Ella,” said Lorna.  She stuck a fork into one of the potatoes and found it not quite done.  “I’ve felt so sorry for her.”  A male chorus sang the Bullard Brothers’ jingle.  “She just seemed to fall apart when Buster was killed.  She simply couldn’t imagine a future without him in it.  Do you know what I mean?”
    “Yes.  I do,” said Dudley.  He sat at the kitchen table, a square table with wooden legs and a metal, enamel-coated top, white with black edges.  With his fingernail, he traced zigzag routes through the network of scratches and knife cuts on the tabletop.  The organ played the Ellen Burch theme.  “It’s quite odd, the way people think of the future,” Dudley offered.  “Some of them seem to have the expectation—the hope, I should say—that they will turn a corner one day and find that everything is new, all is changed, yet others seem to hope for just the opposite, that things to come will somehow be just as they’ve been before, that life will stop in a way, freeze, like a snapshot.”  Lorna poured coffee for Dudley.
    “You’re missing a chance to see the world beyond Beaverton,” said Reynaldo.
    “I know, Reynaldo,” said Ellen, “but, well, you know what Emerson said about travel.”
    “People like that,” said Dudley, “want copies of the same snapshot, strung out from here to eternity.  They want to be able to think that they already know what they’ll be pasting on the blank pages of the photo album of their lives.  Do you follow me?”
    “Yes, Dudley,” said Lorna.
    “No,” said Reynaldo, icily, “I do not.”
    “I suppose,” said Dudley, “some of those people are so pleased with their lives that they simply want to continue as they are, to ‘let well enough alone,’ but more of them, I think, fear the future.  They would rather have nothing happen to them than to have anything else go wrong.  I hope I’m not getting too philosophical for you, Lorna.”
    “Oh, no,” said Lorna.  She turned back to her work to hide her smile.  “I follow you.”
    “He said, ‘Traveling is a fool’s paradise,’ ” said Ellen.
    “This, I think, was Ella’s situation,” said Dudley.
    “Yes, I can see that,” said Lorna.
    “Now I have something shocking to say, Lorna.”
    “Perhaps you will find that your Beaverton is a fool’s paradise,” said Reynaldo.
    “Yes?” said Lorna.  My God, she thought, what if he’s fallen in love with Ella?  When she had sent Ella to Dudley’s, she hadn’t fully considered what might result, she had just had an inspired idea for pulling Ella up from the dumps she was down in.  Since then, she had begun to wonder whether she had done the right thing.  Would Ella remain forever in love with Dudley?  Lorna had begun to worry that she might.  And now, if Dudley was serious about her—
    “That’s something I’ll have to find out, I guess,” said Ellen.
    Dudley pushed his cup and saucer away from him.  He put his hands flat on the table.  He bowed his head.  He said, “Ella has—I may as well be direct—fallen in love with me.”
    “Yes, I know,” said Lorna, without thinking.
    Dudley’s face went white.  “Has she—confided in you?” he asked.
    “Oh, of course she has,” said Lorna.
    “I’m trying to be delicate about this,” said Dudley.
    “I’ll always remember you, Reynaldo,” said Ellen.
    “I want you to understand, Lorna, that Ella has developed a deep and passionate love for me.”
    “Yes, yes,” said Lorna.  She turned to her work again.  She stabbed the fork into a potato, pulled it out of the pot, and began peeling it.
    “I think it’s just as well that she has,” said Dudley.
    “Yes,” said Lorna.  She didn’t turn around.  She worked at the potato.
    “I have no doubt about that,” said Reynaldo.
    “I don’t mean to shock or upset you,” said Dudley, “but I think that I am just what Ella needed.  I think that by falling in love with me she has broken the spell, so to speak.  I have played the part of the handsome prince in a fairy tale, freeing the virgin—ah—freeing the princess—from her enchantment.”
    Lorna compressed her lips and applied herself to the potato.
    “What is necessary now,” said Dudley, “is to free her from her enchantment with me.”
    “Good-bye, Reynaldo,” said Ellen.
    “Yes!” said Lorna.  Hope filled her like a breath of the sweet mountain air of Chacallit.  She forked another potato.  Dudley, you pompous dope, she thought, you’re exactly right.
    “You must admit,” said Dudley, “that we are not exactly a match.  Ella’s a darling girl, wonderfully attractive, with all the freshness of youth and so on, but I think I would be just too much for her.”
    “I’m sure,” said Lorna.
    “Goodbye, Ellen,” said Reynaldo.  “You were—an amusing diversion.”
    “I’ve given quite a bit of thought to this,” Dudley went on, “and I’ve decided that it would be best for me to go away for a while.  I’ll be called away on family business—perhaps a death—or—no, perhaps not—money troubles, then.  I’ll stay away until Ella finds someone better suited to her, someone who—”
    There was a knock at the door.  Dudley and Lorna turned but saw no one.  Ellen opened the door.  “Is that Reynaldo guy gone?” asked Dave.
    “It was the radio,” said Lorna.
    “ ‘That Reynaldo guy’ has not yet gone,” said Reynaldo, “but he was just—”  Lorna reached up and turned the radio off.
    Dudley went on talking.  Lorna turned her back on him and returned to her work.  She finished peeling the potatoes, sliced them, put them into a huge crockery bowl, poured vinegar over them, and began tossing them.  While she worked, she wore a small, contented smile that Dudley couldn’t see, and she hummed, so softly that Dudley couldn’t hear, the up-tempo novelty version of “Lake Serenity Serenade” that Kay Kyser had made popular that winter.  The kitchen filled with the odor of warm vinegar.
    Dudley said, “Did you hear me, Lorna?”
    “What?” said Lorna.  She turned around and was surprised to find Dudley at the door, with coat and galoshes on, ready to go.  “Oh, I’m sorry Dudley,” she said.  “I did hear you.  Yes.  You’ll go away.  Fine.  It’s best.  You’re right.  Ella will find someone else.  We’ll see you when you get back.”
    They were startled by a knock at the door.  Standing outside, his face framed in the window, his breath freezing on the glass, was Bert Leroy.

ELLA AND BERT were married in a month.  They had no money, and Bert had no job.  They couldn’t afford a place of their own, so they were going to have to live either with Bert’s parents or with Ella’s.
    “Oh, Mother,” said Ella, “I couldn’t live there.  I’d feel so funny if we did.  I’d always be thinking about—about Buster.  It is a nice place.  They have lots of room—it’s a big house—three bedrooms.  But, oh, I couldn’t do it.  I mean, I know there would be more room for us there, but, gee, I’d feel I was always bumping into Buster.  And Buster’s bedroom is larger than Bert’s.  What if we moved in there?  I’d feel so queer if we were sleeping there and—everything.”
    Ella proposed that she and Bert move into the room that Herb had built as a den, the room behind the hidden door, the room where Mrs. Stolz had been staying.  To make this possible, Mrs. Stolz would have to go.  Lorna took it upon herself, since she had been the one who had insisted that they bring Mrs. Stolz home, to call her.
    “This is Lorna Piper,” she said when the call was answered.  “May I speak to Mrs. Stolz, please?”
    “Oh!” said the voice at the other end.  “Oh, I—this is her daughter, Mrs. Geiger.”
    “Oh, Mrs. Geiger,” said Lorna.  “I was sorry to hear about Mrs. Stolz’s grandson—about your son, I mean.  I—I’m sorry, I don’t know what else to say.”
    “Oh, that’s all right.  Nobody does.  It’s just—something you have to live with.  It’s part of God’s plan.”
    “It is?”
    “Why, yes.  Yes, of course it is.”
    “Well, I—maybe you’re right.  It’s a grisly thought, though.”
    “What?”
    “Well, what kind of God would—  Mrs. Geiger, may I speak to Mrs. Stolz?”
    “Oh, yes.  Yes.  I’ll get her.  It will just take a minute—no, not even a minute—a second.  Do you want to hang up and call back?”
    “No, I’ll wait if you can get her right away.”
    “I can.  I will.  Just wait.”  There was a pause.  “Don’t get upset, now.  Don’t hang up.”
    “I—won’t,” said Lorna.  “Don’t worry. I’ll wait.”
    Mrs. Stolz’s daughter put her hand over the mouthpiece of the phone and called out, “Mother!  Motherrrr!  Hurry, it’s long distance.”
    Lorna pressed the handset to her bosom and whispered to Herb and Ella, who were standing beside her, “Oh, Herb, her daughter is terribly distraught.  She’s—she’s irrational.”
    Mrs. Stolz bustled into her daughter’s kitchen.  “It’s that woman, that crazy woman, Mrs. Piper,” said her daughter.
    Mrs. Stolz put her fingertips to her lips.  “Oh, dear,” she said.  “I—I don’t know what to say to her.”
    “You have to say something—it’s long distance,” said her daughter.  “She’s—she’s in a bad way, I think.  She doesn’t make sense.”
    Mrs. Stolz took the earpiece from her daughter and stood at the old phone.  “Hello?” she called into it.
    “Hello, Mrs. Stolz.  It’s Lorna.”
    “Is anything wrong?”
    “No.  No.  Well, nothing more than all the things that have already gone wrong.”
    “Oh, dear.  Maybe you should be resting, Lorna.  This telephone call will be awfully expensive.  Herb might be upset—”
    “Herb’s right here, Mrs. Stolz.  Don’t you worry about the cost.  I—we—Herb and I—and Ella—wanted to call to see how you were.”
    “Oh.  Perhaps I should speak to Herb.”
    “Certainly.  You can speak to Herb in a minute.  But I wanted to ask you how your daughter is doing.”
    “Oh, she’s fine, just fine.”
    “Now, Mrs. Stolz, she can’t really be ‘just fine,’ can she?  She just lost her son.  She must be terribly upset.”
    “Oh, yes.  Well, yes, she is.”
    “Ella was, too, of course.”
    “Ella?  Oh!  I forgot.  Poor Ella.  That Leroy boy.  The smart one.”
    “Well, I have some good news, though.  Ella is going to marry Bert Leroy.”
    “She is?  The other one?  Are you sure?  Perhaps I should speak to Herb.”
    “Of course.  In just a minute.  I wanted to talk to you about Ella and Bert a little more first.  They’re going to need a place to live.”
    “Oh.”
    “They thought of staying with Bert’s family.  They really have more room than we do.  But—”
 Mrs. Stolz saw a chance, and she took it.  “Oh, I don’t think they should,” she said.  “Have them move into my room.  A girl needs her mother at a time like this.  She needs her mother’s advice.  She’s bound to have questions, you know.  Questions—and doubts.  Why don’t you let me speak to Herb.”
    “I will, but I’m not finished.  Are you sure you wouldn’t mind if they took your room?”
    “Oh, no.  I wouldn’t mind.  My daughter needs me here.  Yours needs you there.  Lorna, I want you to promise me that you’ll have Ella and her young man—”
    “Bert.”
    “You must have them stay with you.  They could be quite comfortable in my room.  And the baby—”
    “Baby?”
    “Oh, there’s certain to be a baby!  The baby can have Ella’s room.  It’s perfect.  Now let me speak to Herb.”
    “She wants to speak to you,” said Lorna.
    Herb took the phone.  “Hello?” he said.
    “Herb,” said Mrs. Stolz, “I can’t help you anymore.  I’m sorry, but I just can’t.  I’m too old.  I need a rest.  Ella and—is she really going to marry that Bert?”
    “Yes, yes she is.”
    “Well. Ella and Bert can help you, and the three of you will be able to keep everything going smoothly.  I’m sure you can.  I’m afraid you’ll have to.”
    “I’m not sure I understand.  Do you mean the housework?” asked Herb.
    “Yes,” said Mrs. Stolz.  “Of course.  The housework.
    When he hung up, Herb put his hand on Lorna’s shoulder and sighed.  “The poor old thing,” he said.  “She got so attached to the housework.  It seemed to be all she could think about.”
    Mrs. Stolz placed the earpiece on its hook and stood still for a moment with her eyes closed.  She held her breath.  She felt a great sense of relief.  She was waiting to see if she began to feel guilty.  When she had held her breath for as long as she could and still hadn’t begun to feel that she was doing something wrong, she exhaled and permitted herself a smile.  “I’m sure they’ll be able to take fine care of her,” she said.
    Herb and Lorna packed Mrs. Stolz’s clothes and books and knickknacks in a crate and delivered it to the Babbington railroad station, where they had it shipped to her daughter’s home.  When the crate arrived, Mrs. Stolz had it taken to a small hotel not unlike the River Sound in Babbington.  There she lived quietly and happily for the rest of her days.
    Bert and Ella moved into the room behind the bookcase.  I was born in the fall.
 
[TO CHAPTER 16]
[TO THE HERB 'N' LORNA CONTENTS LIST]

Asking yourself, "What, oh what, can I do to support this work?"
Here's a swell idea from Eric Kraft's sparkling publicist, Candi Lee Manning:
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Herb ’n’ Lorna
Herb ’n’ Lorna
Reservations Recommended
Reservations Recommended
Little Follies
Little Follies
Where Do You Stop?
Where Do You Stop?
What a Piece of Work I Am
What a Piece of Work I Am
At Home with the Glynns
At Home with the Glynns
Leaving Small's Hotel
Leaving Small's Hotel
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An Exuberant, Quirky, and Charming Love Story
— Linda Snow, The Boston Sunday Herald

Wise and Humorous, Affectionate and Witty
Publishers Weekly

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Herb ’n’Lorna is published in paperback by Picador, a division of St. Martin's Press, at $13.00.

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THE PERSONAL HISTORY

LITTLE FOLLIES
HERB ’N’ LORNA
RESERVATIONS RECOMMENDED
WHERE DO YOU STOP?
WHAT A PIECE OF WORK I AM
AT HOME WITH THE GLYNNS
LEAVING SMALL’S HOTEL
INFLATING A DOG
PASSIONATE SPECTATOR
MAKING MY SELF
A TOPICAL GUIDE

CLASSIFIEDS
SWELL IDEAS

COMPLETE SITE CONTENTS
WHAT’S NEW?


Herb ’n’Lorna  copyright © 1988 by Eric Kraft

Herb ’n’Lorna  is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, dialogues, settings, and businesses portrayed in it are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. 

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. 

First published by Crown Publishers, Inc., 201 East 50th Street, New York, New York 10022. Member of the Crown Publishing Group. 

Now available in paperback from Picador USA, a division of St. Martin’s Press.

The illustration at the top of the page is an adaptation of an illustration by Stewart Rouse that first appeared on the cover of the August 1931 issue of Modern Mechanics and Inventions. The boy at the controls of the aerocycle doesn’t particularly resemble Peter Leroy—except, perhaps, for the smile.